Little did we know that when we created this blog that this is what we'd use it for, but here goes:
Harry's mother's funeral will be at Temple Beth El, 660 Park Avenue, Huntington, at 9:30 AM Sunday August 23rd.
We are sitting shiva Sunday from 5-8 and Monday from 7-9. Our address is 2 Colyer Place, Greenlawn. So many of you have written and/or called us already. We thank you and we love you.
Friday, August 21, 2009
A Little Good News...Some Very Bad News
The good news...I had the follow up doctor visit yesterday morning. I'm healing fine. While I still experience a lot of pain, it is relatively less than before and diminishing every day. The cause of the pain is my body adjusting to the new spine angle that the docs created, wound healing, including nerves, muscles and skin.
Now for the unbelievable, and unbearable bad news. This will come from nowhere, so brace yourself.
The Friday prior to surgery Barbara I visited my mother to reassure her that I was ok. She was nervous and worried and I wanted to allay her fears. We spent Friday, Saturday and Sunday together. She seemed to be calm. On Saturday, while Dotty (my sister) took my niece Hilary and her daughter Morgan to the airport for their return flight to Dallas, Barbara and I took my mother out for lunch. "What would you like for lunch if you could have anything, mom?" "Ice cream," she said. And so we found a soft serve ice cream stand on the shore of Lake Pontoosuc and had lunch.
She was anxious about the surgery, so as soon as it was over, Barbara called to let her know that I was in recovery. Puzzled, my mother said to Barbara, "Harold had surgery and no one told me?"
Such was the state her thinking, when Dotty, Marty and Mom set out to visit me yesterday. With scheduled arrival of 2 PM, and a short visit scheduled given my limited endurance, I thought nothing of it when by 3 PM they had not arrived. Dotty is not known, despite often heroic efforts, to be on time for appointments.
When the phone range at 3:10, the caller ID said "Huntington Hospital" where I had just been for surgery. My daughter in law, Julie, who had come over so she could say hi to "Nanny," remarked that I had probably left something there, and they were calling with the information. No.
It was my sister Dotty. The three of them had been in a terrible car accident at the exit of the parkway, near my house. Without providing details here, their car, while standing still, had been broadsided by another vehicle, and my mother was injured, badly.
I'm sure you know where this is going, so I will spare additional details. Julie and I rushed to the hospital. Within an hour of arrival mom died. She had slipped into a coma, and quietly, silently passed away.
We are of course in shock. Layering this pain and the complications of sudden death onto physical and emotional roller coaster of the past month is a challenge to me personally, and our family strength.
I will continue to recover from the back surgery. And healing from this, a different process, at a different rate, will also proceed. Thanks to everyone who followed me through the surgery, communicated with me through this space, email, telephone and snail mail. I love you all.
This will be my last posting on the blog.
Harry
Now for the unbelievable, and unbearable bad news. This will come from nowhere, so brace yourself.
The Friday prior to surgery Barbara I visited my mother to reassure her that I was ok. She was nervous and worried and I wanted to allay her fears. We spent Friday, Saturday and Sunday together. She seemed to be calm. On Saturday, while Dotty (my sister) took my niece Hilary and her daughter Morgan to the airport for their return flight to Dallas, Barbara and I took my mother out for lunch. "What would you like for lunch if you could have anything, mom?" "Ice cream," she said. And so we found a soft serve ice cream stand on the shore of Lake Pontoosuc and had lunch.
She was anxious about the surgery, so as soon as it was over, Barbara called to let her know that I was in recovery. Puzzled, my mother said to Barbara, "Harold had surgery and no one told me?"
Such was the state her thinking, when Dotty, Marty and Mom set out to visit me yesterday. With scheduled arrival of 2 PM, and a short visit scheduled given my limited endurance, I thought nothing of it when by 3 PM they had not arrived. Dotty is not known, despite often heroic efforts, to be on time for appointments.
When the phone range at 3:10, the caller ID said "Huntington Hospital" where I had just been for surgery. My daughter in law, Julie, who had come over so she could say hi to "Nanny," remarked that I had probably left something there, and they were calling with the information. No.
It was my sister Dotty. The three of them had been in a terrible car accident at the exit of the parkway, near my house. Without providing details here, their car, while standing still, had been broadsided by another vehicle, and my mother was injured, badly.
I'm sure you know where this is going, so I will spare additional details. Julie and I rushed to the hospital. Within an hour of arrival mom died. She had slipped into a coma, and quietly, silently passed away.
We are of course in shock. Layering this pain and the complications of sudden death onto physical and emotional roller coaster of the past month is a challenge to me personally, and our family strength.
I will continue to recover from the back surgery. And healing from this, a different process, at a different rate, will also proceed. Thanks to everyone who followed me through the surgery, communicated with me through this space, email, telephone and snail mail. I love you all.
This will be my last posting on the blog.
Harry
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
I emerge....slowy
Hi everyone,
I am now first able to sit up for while, though it takes quite a lot of energy. The surgical swelling is going down, and the pain is diminishing a little each day. Though my constant companion, Mr. Percoset, helps out a lot.
I just read all the posts, and am grateful and humble to have such great friends and relatives. It's part of what I use each day to motivate me to take an extra step (with my walker :)) and to visualize getting back into society.
I will write a little more each day, and soon I'll be able to speak with with each of you to thank you for your love and support personally. I'll have some amusing hospital stories to tell at my own expense - some well known to Barbara and my kids. Barbara and my kids - no man is luckier to have had such loving help as I. I wish none of you ever never needs it, but that if you do, you have no less than what you and my family have given to me. You will however, have one more supporter. Me.
More later.
Harry
I am now first able to sit up for while, though it takes quite a lot of energy. The surgical swelling is going down, and the pain is diminishing a little each day. Though my constant companion, Mr. Percoset, helps out a lot.
I just read all the posts, and am grateful and humble to have such great friends and relatives. It's part of what I use each day to motivate me to take an extra step (with my walker :)) and to visualize getting back into society.
I will write a little more each day, and soon I'll be able to speak with with each of you to thank you for your love and support personally. I'll have some amusing hospital stories to tell at my own expense - some well known to Barbara and my kids. Barbara and my kids - no man is luckier to have had such loving help as I. I wish none of you ever never needs it, but that if you do, you have no less than what you and my family have given to me. You will however, have one more supporter. Me.
More later.
Harry
Monday, August 17, 2009
Thanks for the Offers of Food
Y'all are so sweet to offer to bring us food. And I promise to take you up on it. But not yet. While every day is better, Harry really hasn't gotten his appetite back, and everything tastes bad, I guess because of all the medication. I even bought fresh fish at the farmers' market and he only ate a small bite. The blueberry pie I made yesterday is still sitting on the counter.
But I promise--Harry's appetite will come back, and we'll gratefully welcome all offers of home cooking.
Not Ready for Visitors Yet
To all our dear friends--
We so appreciate your wish to come see Harry and cheer him on in his recovery. He's going to be home for several weeks. So--to all of you who have asked to come see him--not yet. He still has a lot of pain (but every day is better than the last) and needs to rest a lot. I promise I'll let you know, and then you'll really be able to enjoy each other.
We love you all.
We so appreciate your wish to come see Harry and cheer him on in his recovery. He's going to be home for several weeks. So--to all of you who have asked to come see him--not yet. He still has a lot of pain (but every day is better than the last) and needs to rest a lot. I promise I'll let you know, and then you'll really be able to enjoy each other.
We love you all.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
We're Home!
So it was a really bad night--they brought Harry a roommate from the ER who was disoriented, noisy, complaining, demanding. I think they do this on purpose so you realize you'd really be much more comfortable at home.
The surgeon's partner came in this morning, ripped (literally) off the bandages, and discharged him. After about an hour of waiting for all the paperwork, Russ and I brought him home.
Relief.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Saturday--not home yet
Maybe you think of this as a setback, but I don't. I'm actually relieved that he will have one more day where he has constant care. I spoke to the PA in the doctor's office today. They have to get him onto oral pain meds and he has to be able to walk stairs before he can come home. He has had much less pain, and the PT will be working on stairs today. So maybe tomorrow. I'll let you know.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Friday--Going Home Tomorrow??
Harry had a pretty good day today--still much pain (Dilaudid helps.), but he was alert and animated when he had visitors. The rabbi from Chabad came to visit and taught him and our friend Barry all about t'filin (!) and told him some jokes. Russell is also here for the weekend and he made sure Harry was drinking a lot (which he needs to do). And Rabbi Clopper came in for a while this evening--while he's actually on vacation--so that was extra nice.
The doctor thinks that they may send him home tomorrow. We'll know more in the morning.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Thursday night--progress!
Harry is much better--sitting, standing walking. Still really tired. Still has pain. But much better. The nice nurse was there tonight, but she's off for a few days after today. Incentive to come home!
Thursday morning
I arrived at around 9 this morning to find the physical therapists moving Harry to a chair. He is still in pain and on morphine, but he seems better. Is able to sit. Dr. Mermelstein came in and took a drain out and did some function testing. (Lifting legs, etc.) Assured Harry that the pain is normal post-op pain and that they would have him walking today. At this point, Harry will probably be in the hospital till Saturday or Sunday, but we're taking it one day at a time.
We are so grateful for everyone for putting your thoughts and good wishes into the blog. We love you all.
We are so grateful for everyone for putting your thoughts and good wishes into the blog. We love you all.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Wednesday Night--More Progress
I arrived at the hospital and our friend Arnie was there visiting. Harry was positively animated. I brought him a protein shake and he was pleased to have met with the dietician who made sure he could have more protein. (Thanks, Jen!) He's still in a lot of pain, but seems to be managing better. The physical therapist even had him sitting up in a chair today (while I was at work). All the calls, posts, emails mean a lot to him. Thanks for all your encouragement.
Wednesday Morning--Progress
I arrive at the hospital around 7:30. I go up to the surgery unit, and there's his brace!
Harry is still in a great deal of pain, but an 8 instead of a 20 (on a scale of 1-10). So, improvement. Harry has color in his face. His roommate who arrived after I left last night is an elderly man named Henry--he had a knee replacement. Very chatty. Scarfing down breakfast and telling us his life story from behind the curtain. Harry can still barely talk and is sucking on ice chips. They bring him breakfast--pancakes, farina, coffee, orange juice. Our niece Jen who's a registered dietician had told him to eat a lot of proten after the surgery. This looks like the no-protein diet. Is that on purpose? No, this is today's breakfast.
The nurse admin on the floor--Maureen--seems competent so we talk to her about his diet and about all the mishaps. She is apologetic. She offers to have the hospital dietician meet with him and arranges for someone to bring him some hard-boiled eggs. And promises that their goal for today is to get him comfortable.
Harry is still in a great deal of pain, but an 8 instead of a 20 (on a scale of 1-10). So, improvement. Harry has color in his face. His roommate who arrived after I left last night is an elderly man named Henry--he had a knee replacement. Very chatty. Scarfing down breakfast and telling us his life story from behind the curtain. Harry can still barely talk and is sucking on ice chips. They bring him breakfast--pancakes, farina, coffee, orange juice. Our niece Jen who's a registered dietician had told him to eat a lot of proten after the surgery. This looks like the no-protein diet. Is that on purpose? No, this is today's breakfast.
The nurse admin on the floor--Maureen--seems competent so we talk to her about his diet and about all the mishaps. She is apologetic. She offers to have the hospital dietician meet with him and arranges for someone to bring him some hard-boiled eggs. And promises that their goal for today is to get him comfortable.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Pain
The good news: he's in his own room, on the 2nd floor, just across from the nurse's station. And the bad: there's so much pain. So much that I am nagging the nurses, so much that I want to give him his Percocet, but he can only have ice chips, so much that I want to scream like Shirley McClaine did in "Terms of Endearment," when they wouldn't give her daughter her pain meds. But you know me, I don't scream, I speak nicely. And again. And again. So the nurse comes in to give him extra medication and finds that there's a kink in the line! And he isn't getting any pain meds at all! She fixes that. She comes in again and discovers that the pumps for his stockings (on his legs to maintain circulation) aren't turned on. Duh!! And later we find that the nurses' station call button isn't turned on. After more extra pain meds, he finally fell asleep. I leave, with a question: Where is his back brace? He will need it when they get him up. We brought it with us to the hospital. They assure me that they will locate it.
Till tomorrow....I'll be there in the morning, before the shift change.
In Recovery
So finally the surgeon--exhausted--comes out and says it's over, it went well. Relief, happiness, wanting to see him and give him a hug. Finally the recovery room, Purell your hands first (it's comforting that they make everyone clean their hands), gently touch his hand, he's pale and you can see the pain etched on his face. The push button for the pain meds. The tube in his nose. Rest. Get well. Walk again.
And we're off...
They just wheeled Harry into the OR. Harry wouldn't let me take a photo, so picture this: The ubiquitous blue hospital gown, the (matching) blue net shower cap (a small tuft of hair sticks out of the front), a just-warmed blanket wrapped around him, bright red slipper socks, his Zune on an armband attached to his right arm, an IV in his left arm, attached to a pole on wheels. Picture a pretty young woman talking to him about the monitoring technique she uses, picture Harry asking about the monitoring technique and outcome-based medical procedures.
The anesthesiologist comes in--handsome, dark skinned, salt and pepper hair, big brown eyes, a warm comforting smile. Patiently asking and answering questions. Warmly promising to take good care of him.
Picture the surgeon--you saw his face in a previous post--and now here he is in person, sharp, energetic, athletic, confident. Explaining the procedure--two parts. The first is called XLIF. They make a small incision on his side--remove the herniated disc material from two levels of the lumbar spine, straighten the vertebrae (he has scoliosis) and put spacers between the vertebrae. Then they place him on his stomach and make a larger incision in his back and do what he refers to as a traditional laminectomy . Fill the space between the vertebrae with Harry's own bone. Tie it all together with titanium rods and screws. You can see that the surgeon loves his work, is eager to get started. He promises to take good care of Harry and goes into the OR.
Back to the anesthesiologist. More questions. Promises--to keep him asleep and alive during the long procedure. To stay with him the whole time. To control his pain afterward.
Another man wearing scrubs comes out and introduces himself as a nurse who will assist during surgery. Then an older female nurse--asking him what procedure he's having today. he answers--correctly--we kiss, and they roll him into the OR.
'Bye, love.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Funny - not so Funny
As I count down, I see a number of funny posts - thanks. I hope everyone is enjoying as much as I. Of course the anesthesia will put a quick end to that. I've been asked to be at the hospital at 6 AM tomorrow. I hope someone else beside me will be there.
In talking to friends, I've discovered that many of you have and have had back issues of one kind or another. John K. called this morning to tell me he's been flat on his back since last Thursday, waiting for the pain to subside and then to decide what's next. Roger W. is hold up in Huntington Hospital, being tested for a variety of things and to determine next course of action for HIS back. Could be surgery. Could be Dr. Mermelstein too.
Seems to me we weren't really meant to be walking upright this long, since eventually we wind up on our backs.
I'm looking forward to looking forward again.
In talking to friends, I've discovered that many of you have and have had back issues of one kind or another. John K. called this morning to tell me he's been flat on his back since last Thursday, waiting for the pain to subside and then to decide what's next. Roger W. is hold up in Huntington Hospital, being tested for a variety of things and to determine next course of action for HIS back. Could be surgery. Could be Dr. Mermelstein too.
Seems to me we weren't really meant to be walking upright this long, since eventually we wind up on our backs.
I'm looking forward to looking forward again.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
What to do with recuperation time
I've been thinking about what my mind will be doing while my body is recuperating. The easy answer is recuperating too. I think it will be a challenge to fill some time, but I'd like to do it with some purpose. I've already been accumulating music on my new Zune, along with some pictures to look at and some podcasts to learn from. I have a new flat screen TV in the bedroom and have pulled together some DVD's.
Now I'm organizing my "favorites." I'm taking a page from Norman Cousins, and finding some things to make me laugh. Check out the funniest TV shows on the link in the heading.
Of course there's always HULU for searching for a laugh. I highly recommend Family Guy.
www.hulu.com - Google Search
All of the time spent recovering will be useless unless it's organized (I'm an MBTI "J") so I plan to visit:
Now I'm organizing my "favorites." I'm taking a page from Norman Cousins, and finding some things to make me laugh. Check out the funniest TV shows on the link in the heading.
Of course there's always HULU for searching for a laugh. I highly recommend Family Guy.
www.hulu.com - Google Search
All of the time spent recovering will be useless unless it's organized (I'm an MBTI "J") so I plan to visit:
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Talking to Mom
Mom: "Are you worried?"
Me: "About what?
Mom: "About what they gonna do to you."
Me: "I'm ready."
Mom: "Aren't ya scared?"
Me: "Should I be?"
Mom: "I would be."
Me: "Nah. I have a good doctor. I'm healthy except for the back pain (leg pain). What else can I do? What good is being worried or scared."
Mom: "I dunno. I'm worried for you. Somebody has to be."
Me: "About what?
Mom: "About what they gonna do to you."
Me: "I'm ready."
Mom: "Aren't ya scared?"
Me: "Should I be?"
Mom: "I would be
Me: "Nah. I have a good doctor. I'm healthy except for the back pain (leg pain). What else can I do? What good is being worried or scared."
Mom: "I dunno. I'm worried for you. Somebody has to be."
Friday, August 7, 2009
Leaving Work
Thursday was the last day of work before surgery. I'm taking a couple of days to make sure that things are taken care of. I have to pay some bills, wrap up some personal business, and check in with a couple of friends and family. Barb and I drove up to Dalton, Mass to visit with mom, Marty, Dot, Hilary and Morgan. I'm moving slowly.
It's weird knowing I won't be going to work for about a month or more. It was a race to get everything done before leaving, but I think I've left everything in good shape. Never a good time to leave, this is as good as any.
I've started to recruit friend and family into "Team Newman" to send positive vibes on Tuesday. I even told Doc Mermelstein to say positive things to me while I'm under anesthesia. He smirked, but said he'll do it. I told him I want the anesthesiologist to do the same. I'm bringing my Zune into surgery with to listen to calming meditations during surgery too.
I'm ready to reclaim my life. What would it be like to walk across a room without pain? I don't remember. I'm sure I will after Tuesday morning.
It's weird knowing I won't be going to work for about a month or more. It was a race to get everything done before leaving, but I think I've left everything in good shape. Never a good time to leave, this is as good as any.
I've started to recruit friend and family into "Team Newman" to send positive vibes on Tuesday. I even told Doc Mermelstein to say positive things to me while I'm under anesthesia. He smirked, but said he'll do it. I told him I want the anesthesiologist to do the same. I'm bringing my Zune into surgery with to listen to calming meditations during surgery too.
I'm ready to reclaim my life. What would it be like to walk across a room without pain? I don't remember. I'm sure I will after Tuesday morning.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Pre-surgical Consult
Harry and I met with the surgical coordinator today. The office is incredible—beautiful, modern, high-tech. Impressive.
The surgery will be Tuesday morning (August 11th) and right now he is the surgeon’s only patient. The surgery will take about 5 hours. I’ll be able to go into recovery with him after the surgery.
It looks like Harry is going to be in the hospital at least till Friday; possibly through the weekend. He will wear a brace for several weeks. He will be walking when he gets out of the hospital and will be able to manage without a nurse or home health aide thanks to the minimally invasive surgery that Dr. Mermelstein is doing. If he needs extra help, a physical therapist will come to the house and help him with walking and managing stairs. This is all very good news.
We have an appointment for follow up about 2 weeks after the surgery, and it’s possible that Harry will be able to do some work from home after the first month.
I was fortunate to be able to meet Dr. Mermelstein and he is also impressive—confident, secure, upbeat, energetic. We couldn’t be in better hands.
The Surgeon
Dr. Mermelstein is Board Certified Orthopaedic Surgeon whose clinical practice places an emphasis on pediatric scoliosis and deformities, osteoporotic fractures and minimally invasive surgical techniques. He was the first surgeon on Long Island to perform the Posterolateral Endoscopic Discectomy procedure (note from me: This is the procedure Harry had in Los Angeles in January.) and continues to be on the forefront of surgical technology. He has lectured extensively at national and international meetings regarding Spinal Biomechanics and Instrumentation and has authored numerous papers and a book chapter on clinically related spinal issues.
Medical Degree: University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine
Internship/Residency: Orthopedic Surgery Resident:
Yale - New Haven Hospital
Life Before Leg Pain
This is a picture of us, taken on the top of Diamondhead, the volcano, in Oahu, Hawaii in March, 2007. It’s hard to believe, but it was only two years ago that we climbed to the top of Diamondhead (in the rain!) and hiked through botanical gardens & rain forests. Harry played golf on some of the most beautiful golf courses on the planet. We hope to be able to do all that again.
And so we begin...
So Harry made the very big decision to go through with the surgery. He met with a nutritionist and has changed his diet (not that he was an unhealthy eater) and began taking supplements (not that he didn’t take tons of suppplements before). We went to a class on meditation and healing, and he downloaded inspiring music and photos to his Zune and is meditating daily. I made him a book of his favorite people and places. And next to our bed on his side is a poster featuring his ultimate goal—Bethpage Black 2010, with our boys—Russell, Spencer and Bryce—his cheering section. Tomorrow’s the presurgical consult. We are as ready as we can be.
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